Post #18 Honey, have you seen the keys?

Many of us Baby Boomers are starting to experience early cognitive decline.

Apr 23, 2025

keys on hand — Photo by Maria Ziegler on Unsplash

Honey, have you seen the keys?

My wife and I have downsized to sharing one car. For the most part. Our thirteen-year-old second car, my Volvo with 200,000 miles on it - the second love of my life – has lately been primarily used as the “backup car” for our adult children, when one of their cars goes down. Sound familiar? But it’s back home now. And the key is not really a key, but a key fob. And it seems to disappear now and then.

There is a lot packed into the previous paragraph. Downsizing to one car – means we are getting older. It also means one of us isn’t driving that much anymore. Keeping the second car a long time – we’re watching the budget. And, I get a bizarre satisfaction knowing that I’ve taking care of that little baby all these years and now it is taking care of me. Loaning it to our adult children – I saw a statistic that 40% of adult children are now getting some help from their Boomer parents. They don’t leave the nest as consistently as we used to. It’s not all their fault – most can’t afford the down payment on a house these days. Can’t find the keys – the old memory isn’t working as well at it used to.

Ah, can’t find the keys. I haven’t talked much about the fact that we Boomers are starting to lose some of our cognitive abilities – but I will be. It’s a pretty big deal. Many of us in our 60’s and 70’s - hell, probably most of us – have probably noticed a little downshift into functioning well, but forgetting sometimes. Where’d I put my wallet? What day was my doctor’s appointment? The worst is names. Right? Those damn proper nouns. What’s his name? I’m sure most of you have been streaming a show on TV or thinking of a movie and you can’t remember the name of the movie or the star. You know, the person who is married to the women who was in the movie about moving to Europe and they went to that shop? It’s frustrating when you can’t remember the first name of a MAJOR movie star.

We are all going through that. Our minds do slowly break down like the rest of our body.

But that is not dementia. That’s normal wear and tear.

And then, for some, it does get worse.

Our spouse asks us, “when we are going to dinner with some friends?” And then they ask it again an hour later. Losing things starts to get more frequent than the occasional, “have you seen my keys?” You have a long conversation about a friend of yours whose kid just got married , and then you have it again.

That is called dementia. At the beginning it’s politely called early cognitive impairment.

It’s the difference between slowly forgetting nouns, which we all do and is like your knee slowly wearing out, and your knee being damaged by an injury. Dementia is a disease. It’s not just your synapses not connecting as fast as they use to. It’s that your brain has changed and there is usually some plaque in there or some structural changes getting in the way of things.

Dementia is tough. It affects everyone in a person’s life, not just themselves. It affects friends and family.

For some it will be long and slow, but OK, and we will have many years of being able to mostly function and do the things we have always done.

For others, the decline is faster and more debilitating.

I’ll be talking a lot about dementia as the months and years go on – I hope!

I know a lot about it. Like most of you, I’ve had many family members and friends who have had it or now have it.

And I’ve also started or operated about a dozen of what we call, “memory care neighborhoods.” Memory care neighborhood has a softer sound to it as we try and soften the difficult blow of what many times is Alzheimer’s Disease.

By the way, Alzheimer’s Disease is just one of many dementias. It is the most prevalent dementia, however, accounting for over half of all cases. Lewy Body and Vascular Dementia are the next most common.

A neurologist once told me, “in the last one hundred and fifty years, we’ve made amazing medical progress. We’ve invented x-rays, cat scans, MRI’s, ultra-sound, anesthesia, cured many diseases with vaccinations (listening, RFK?), we have heart transplants, kidney transplants, hell, we have battery packs now keeping people alive. But it’s all been from the neck down.”

All from the neck down. That’s an image. It’s amazing to think that for our entire lives most of us have believed in medical science and have known as a truth that every year our knowledge improves and we have this faith that diseases are being cured. And it has been true. But it’s all from the neck down.

However, we are beginning to make progress, and we will discuss that more in detail in future newsletters. In the meanwhile, before we start this on-going discussion I hope we have, there are a few things that I would like to share with you, that I have learned from being around cognitive loss, and that have given me comfort.

First, as simple as it sounds, for those of us who do not yet have dementia, is “use it don’t lose it.” I know it is cliche, but science is telling us that it works. Just like “keep moving” is so important physically, “keep using it,” is so important for your brain health. I know you’ve heard it a million times before, but try and challenge yourself daily. Play games, lots of games. Start something new. Meet new people. Stay social. Have intense conversations. I know you have all heard this before, but it is true! Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN has a wonderful video on this. See the link: https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/26/health/video/sanjay-gupta-brain-neurogenesis-wellness-digvid

For others, who may already have some dementia at the early and moderate stages, I want to say to you friends and family, that they can still live a life. It may not be the same life as before, but its still a life. The dementia does not have to define them. It is a part of them, and a part of you now as a family member or friend, but it is not everything. I know it can and will be hard, but there can still be many years of having a wonderful relationship with someone, even after diagnosis.

And finally, if and when a time comes when a person you know needs full time care - maybe even you some day - at home, in an assisted living memory care community, or in a nursing home, I hope that maybe you can take a glimmer of comfort knowing, that despite it being a god-awful disease which takes much of the person that you knew and loved away from you, that I have seen many fine places out there which can give you and your loved one some level of comfort and peace. Even more importantly, I have witnessed some incredible human beings who have a calling for taking care of people. They will love and respect and care for the people you love, with dignity and honor. They will make them smile and laugh, and there will be some good days, and some good hours, amidst the cruelest of jokes which life can bestow upon us.

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