Post #28 Where do I begin, when I need some care?

What Baby Boomers need to know before they start planning for the next step

I have some friends, family and colleagues who read this newsletter periodically say to me, “Dean, you know, I’m getting older myself, and I’m starting to think about these issues, and I like a lot of things you are saying, but truthfully, I don’t even know where to start.”

In other words, what are they are saying is, and I know this because I know them, is “I’ve got some issues, some physical things, (or cognitive problems) and I can see there’s going to be a time, in the not too distant future, where I may have to do something, because I’m going to need some help, and it’s so overwhelming I don’t even know where to begin.”

And it’s true, many people don’t really know where to start when thinking about the possibility of needing help, which may mean to them potentially moving to a senior living residence.

So let me try and help.

First – and this is important, and needs to be done before we lay out the myriad of possibilities for you out there - and there are more than you think – I want you to do some soul searching and really think about how you will want to live as you get older with limitations you may not have had before. And I need to tell you this. Despite those newly found limitations, you are in control. Not other people, and not other systems. You are. But it takes some knowledge of what your options are, and then, as I said, some deep soul searching.

Now, before I give you the options, I want, no, I need you to understand something. There is a mindset I strongly suggest you have, which many people don’t know about or understand, and which is a big part of the basis of my whole blog and philosophy on aging. It is this….

Please do not think in terms of you needing “assisted living.” I want you to think in terms of “living” with assistance. I want you to try and identify with a mindset that you are going to keep living, keep giving, keep doing, keep creating, keep loving….but now, since you have more limitations than you once had, you are going to need some assistance. It’s an important distinction. Instead of you having to go somewhere where the assistance comes first, and becomes the most prevalent part of your day, and life, with you then trying to eek out something for yourself in between, it is the other way around. You can continue to live your life and then get the assistance you need on the backside (no pun intended, although it is a little funny).

And it is not just at the beginning of your new journey with assistance. Until your last days, even when potentially needing a whole helleva lot of personal care, you can still live, love, laugh, give, create, work, while getting the assistance you need.

In fact, in many cases, it will be because of the assistance that you get that will allow you to keep living the life you want.

We are all interdependent. Already.

In a way we already do this. We are all interdependent. Already. And you know this. We are not really independent. We don’t grow our own food or make our own clothes. We don’t heat or air condition our own home, and many of us don’t even cook any longer. We may have help around the house, cleaning up or doing the laundry or have someone mow the lawn.

So now, when you may need some physical assistance, it is not the end of independence, it is just another step toward interdependence.

At some point most of us need help with our eyes…we get glasses. Some of us will need help with our hearing (yours truly) and we get hearing aids. We wear sleeves on our knees or elbows to keep playing sports. We start using canes and walkers to walk, but we still walk. We may even need a wheelchair, but we still can get around and zip around in those electric “go-cart” wheelchairs. In fact, even if being quite dependent on a caregiver, most of us will be able to live out the majority of our days with only needing about forty-five minutes of care in the morning and the same amount in the evening.

Finally, let’s not forget about the relationships that we form with our caregivers. They don’t just give to us. We give back, and our caregivers need that love and support we give them. This mutually beneficial relationship can turn into some of the most meaningful relationships we have in our later days, months and years.

Living is still an option.

I have seen authors who need help in the morning dressing, bathing, and having food prepared for them then spend their day writing books. I have seen businesspeople who need help getting to the bathroom, run companies. I have seen people with mild cognitive impairment plant beautiful gardens. I have seen musicians who can’t walk or see or talk, play concerts. Yes, they are exceptions, but they teach us something.

Us normal folk, with assistance, can plan events, go out to lunch, visit friends, have wonderful conversations, play with our grandkids, try new things, laugh, love, have sex, and keep living. Needing assistance doesn’t mean we need to stop living the life we had before. It means we have to just do it a little differently. Maybe a little less, maybe a little slower. But we can still be who we are. The fact that we are now a little more dependent shouldn’t stop us from being who we are.

So remember. It’s not assisted living. It’s living, with assistance. Get it. It’s a mindset.

Now, next time I’ll tell you how and where you can do these things.

Watch this space.

Dean Solden is the founder and owner of Creative Senior Solutions (CSS), a management, devel

Photo by Matt Foxx on Unsplash

opment and consulting company specializing in senior living. (www.creativeseniorsolutions.com).

Subscribe to this blog at BabyBoomerBlog.substack.com which is a discussion with readers about how Baby Boomers are aging and navigating the world of senior living.

You can reach Dean at (734) 260-3600 or dean@creativeseniorsolutions.com.

If you like music, check out Dean’s music at deansoldenmusic.com for some jazz, blues, and funky piano/vocal tunes.